How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
