there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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