You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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