So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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