it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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