I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
