He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
