Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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