ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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