We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
