I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
