I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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