blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
