Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
