We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
