toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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