i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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