i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
