I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
