I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
