Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
