He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
