I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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