I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize