I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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