just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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