im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This house was built for laser tag.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
