I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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