Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
