Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
