I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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