I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
