I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
