so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
