This is not my ceiling
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
