i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
