She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
