my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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