Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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