I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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