Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
