All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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