My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
