Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
