I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
