Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
