every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
