im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
