WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just cropdusted the office
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
