My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
