I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
