so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
