i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
