I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
