According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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