so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize