By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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