Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
