Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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