look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
