I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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