Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
