Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
