i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
