I feel like abortions should bother me more
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
