I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
