End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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